Saturday, March 31, 2012

You know that you are a new parent....

......when your idea of a Friday or Saturday night is sitting at home enjoying the company of your husband and children.  There have been so many weekends that have gone by in the past where Darren and I have felt the need to do something, anything.... but during my pregnancy and since Owen has joined our family, we have found comfort and joy in just hanging around the house doing nothing.  Absolutely nothing.  No plans.  No rushing.  No commitments. Just pure contentment within each other.

Now that's what I call a weekend!

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Baby Lesson #1

Newborn poop is EXPLOSIVE! 

While changing Owen's diaper today, we heard a "pop" and the next thing we knew, everything on his changing table was covered in mustardy yellow seedy (sorry to be so graphic) breast milk poop! 

Now, I had heard that this could happen, but I guess I thought it was just a myth. 

I mean, how can something so little have so much force behind it?

Owen 1 - Parents 0

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

My fight with food.

Before I was pregnant and while I was carrying my little one, I never had a thought that I would not breastfeed my child.  It was a beautiful and natural thing and I would do what was best for my baby.  It was supposed to be this amazing thing that created a bond between mother and child that nothing else could.

Little did I know, how DIFFICULT it would be.  This is not the movies people, this is real life!  And real life does not always present itself in the way you formed it in your mind.  Unfortunately, I am not having the experience with breast feeding that I envisioned.  It is sad and I am guilty about it....but I am so ready to give up on it.

From day one, Owen has never really taken to my boob.  First of all, everytime I have tried to put him to my breast, he freaks out and starts inconsolably crying.  I try to get him latched on, but he is not having it.  He screams and wails...pulling his head back and there is nothing that is going to get him to calm down and eat.  Secondly, I guess I have funny shaped nipples and have to use a nipple shield to get him to latch on.  If (a big if) and when he actually does latch on, he clamps down so hard that I am screaming in pain! 

It has become such a stressful situation that he doesn't want to do it, I don't want to do it, and so on.  I know that "breast is best", but I would kind of like to keep my nipples and can't deal with the stress of him screaming and me crying.  It is definetely not a bonding time.

So, we decided that I would just pump.  That way Owen would still be getting my milk.  Win Win, right?  No...I am still not happy.  Now I am not trying to be a spoiled brat about this, but I HATE pumping.  I have to sit in my bedroom with suction cups stuck to my boobs sucking the hell out of my nipples all while Darren gets to feed Owen out of a bottle, change his diapers, love on him, BOND!  How is it fair that he gets to bond, and I don't?

This whole experience has been horrible!  It is not at all what I thought it would be.  It's really pretty sad.  No one ever told me that it would be easy....I guess I just assumed.  Most women that it!  They wouldn't have it any other way.  I just don't feel it.  I don't have that instinct. 

I don't want my nipples sucked on.
I don't want them to hurt anymore.
I don't want to have leaky boobs.
I don't want to miss out on time with my child.

Please tell me that I am not a horrible mother.  Please tell me that a Happy Mom = a Happy Baby.  Please tell me that I am not a failure for switching to formula (I haven't made the switch yet).

I am tired of this fight with food.

He's here.

On Monday March 5th at 11:04 pm, we welcomed our sweet baby boy into the world!  And in his mother's type A fashion, he came right on his due date.  It was the most amazing day that I have ever experienced and I already can't imagine my life without him.

Here's how it went down.  I will make it short, sweet, and to the point, so that you can get to the good stuff....a picture of my little man.

Thursday:  I went in to be checked because I thought I was leaking fluid.  Still not dilated at all.  No puncture to my amniotic sac.  Dr. thought it may just be mucous and that I may lose my plug soon.

Friday: Dr. was right, I woke up to the loss of my plug.  It was not at all what I suspected it would look like, but I will spare you the details.  I also continued to "leak", but trusted my docs diagnosis.

Saturday:  I was out shopping and felt a "bubble", sort of that "oh shit, I just started my period in my pants" feeling.  I went to the bathroom and sure enough, there was a very large wet spot in my underwear.  At this point, I was hopeful, but wasn't convinced that it was my water based off of what the dr. said.  I figured that I would let it go and see what happens.  After all everyone told me that when it breaks, you will know it!

Sunday:  I woke up to some cramping.  It was pretty painful, but I figured that things were just starting to happen.  I was still leaking in my underwear and decided that I should probably call Labor & Delivery to see what they thought.  Of course they can't diagnose me over the phone so they asked me to come in.  We got to the hospital and they hooked me up to the monitors and sure enough I was contracting every 4-6 minutes.  My doc checked me and wouldn't you know it......I was still completely closed!  Talk about frustrated!  I was however about 75-80% effaced.  She felt certain that I was in early labor and thought that I may progress from there.  She thought I would be more comfortable laboring at home, so they discharged me.

I spent the day doing everything that I could, to bring on labor.  Around 6:30 or 7:00, my cramps turned into light contractions and I told Darren to sleep in the guest room so that I didn't keep him up all night.  I went to bed around 10:30 and at 12:30 I was awoken by a SEVERE contraction that took place not only in my lower uterus, but in the small of my back.  It was horrible!  These contractions continued through the rest of the night coming at intervals of about 5-7 minutes.

Monday:  Darren woke up to get ready for work and I told him what was going on.  By this time, the pain was so intense that everytime a contraction would come, I would get ill.  I knew that it was time.  I called Labor and Delivery again and told them what was happening and they told me to come right in.  This was around 7am.

Here's where things got interesting.  The doctor came in around 8:00 and guess what.....still 0....are you freakin' kidding me!!!!  All of this pain and I am still not dilated at all?  Apparently I had some scar tissue on my cervix caused by a Leep procedure that I had done a few years ago and it was preventing my cervix from opening.  Why had no one told me about this possibility before now?  Anywho....the doc needed to get in there and open it up.  Holy Crap!!!  Ouch!!  I thought I would die!!  He got me on an epi right away and they started pitocin.

And the waiting began.  Slowly, I began to dilate and by slowly, I mean that by 10:30 pm I was still only at almost 6 cm.  The epi was wearing off and I had to get another dose.  The doctor finally made the decision that my best bet was a C-section.  I was labeled as "failure to progress".  At that point, I had been in labor for 16 hours, not including the painful night before, and I was ready to meet my little boy!

Next thing I knew, I was on the operating table ready for surgery.  It all happened so fast!  Really!  The decision was made at 10:30 and he was born at 11:04. 

At 11:04 pm, I heard the sweet sound of my baby's cry!  I lost it!  I had never felt such a flood of emotion before.  What an amazing feeling!  Our child that we had prayed for and waited so long for was finally here and healthy.  Everything was perfect with the world.

OK, so I get that that wasn't the shortest story, but  I didn't know how to shorten it.  Sorry!

So without further adieu, here is Owen Michael.  8 lbs 5 oz, 20.5 in long.